until the end
by MissingMommy
Summary: "It's been good, hasn't it, old girl?" :: Doctor&Tardis friendship.


For Tedz. I really hope that you enjoy this, m'dear!

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When he comes to, the first thing he does is a body check, knowing that Regeneration was nothing more than chance.

Arms? Check.

Legs? Check.

Face? Check.

He reaches up and feels for his ears. He makes a grimace. "The ears!" he exclaims. They are definitely not what he was hoping for. Sighing, he stands.

It's the first time that he hears the purr of his Tardis – a deep, disappointed sound; not a first for him. He places his hand on the console, his head hanging shamefully. "I know, old girl. But there was no other way."

He roams around the console, pressing this button and lifting that lever. And he holds on tight when the Tardis launches forward, travelling through time and space. He's not exactly sure where he's going, but he doesn't need to with the Tardis.

The movements stop and he lets go of the console. Grabbing his jacket, he heads out the door. Maybe the Tardis has taken him somewhere he can forget. As he hits the fresh air, he knows immediately that he's in London, 2005.

Petting the Tardis, he whispers, "What did you bring me here for?"

.

He doesn't remember when a Regeneration has been that rough on his body. It feels as if everything is fighting against him. He's thankful when Rose and Mickey move him to the Tardis. As nice as being in Rose's house is, he was missing his Tardis.

The smell of tea and the comforting purr of the Tardis brings movement back to his body. He starts slowly, moving his toes before attempting to bend his knees. The process is painstakingly tiresome, but in the end, he gets motion back to his limbs.

Standing up, he makes his way to the console. He places his hand on it and feels the drum of life beating a rhythm. It drums through him powerfully, giving him increasingly more strength with each passing second.

After a few moments, the screen flashes pictures of the events outside. He pulls the screen to him, studying it closely. He pats the console one more time. "Thanks, old girl."

The Tardis is still drumming happily as he exits the doors.

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He sits on the chair near the console. He's staring at the purple jacket that is tossed over the railing. The owner – his best friend, his lover – is long gone. In another universe. He can't reach her now, and all he has left is that jacket.

He should put it with all the other clothing he's collected over the years, but he can't bring himself to. It doesn't feel right. So instead, he leaves it hanging there, waiting to see if the Tardis will do it for him.

Jumping off his seat, he makes his way around the console. The Tardis hums sorrowfully as he flips the lever and holds on tightly. He has no destination in mind and knows that the Tardis will take him somewhere. That's what he needs: a distraction from everything.

The Tardis lands and he doesn't waste any time getting out.

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He's always found flying in the middle of open space relaxing. There's something about the serenity of it all that calms him. Just as he's about to allow that Tardis to drift, he feels the Tardis hum angrily beneath his hands. He looks down. "What is it, girl?"

The humming gets louder and he starts to make sure that everything is right. He feels a presence in the Tardis before he sees it. He glances up, and in front of him stands a red haired woman with confusion on her face.

And he immediately knows why the Tardis is furious. No one is supposed to be able to land inside the Tardis without the shields being taken down. Despite the woman's – human by the looks of her – questions, all he can do is ask, "What?"

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He walks around the console, flipping switches and pressing buttons slowly. He's in no rush to leave the lawn in front of Martha Jones' house. The Tardis drums comfortingly beneath his hands.

He flips the last lever, holding on tightly. "Take me anywhere, old girl," he says. He's hoping the Tardis takes him somewhere he can forgot his losses. Somewhere he can lose himself in the heat of the moment.

And the Tardis does. She always does.

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Stumbling upon Donna Noble again isn't what he was expecting. In his eight hundred years, he has never happened to come across the same person twice. He supposes that it's because she was looking for him. Somewhere, deep inside of his mind, he knows that is not the whole truth, but he lets himself believe that.

As he opens the Tardis door for Donna, he wonders how his Tardis will react this time, seeing as she was less than thrilled last time they met. They walk to the console together and the Doctor hears her make a happy purr. He places his hand on the console, rubbing it affectionately.

"Good," he whispers to himself. Donna gives him a raised eyebrow, but he ignores it. "All of time and space, where would you like to go?" he asks her instead.

"Everywhere," she replies.

He goes around, happily flipping the switches and lifting the levers. "Hold on then," he commands as he flips one last lever.

The Tardis is humming happily as she makes her way through time and space.

.

He's seen the Tardis upset before, but his old girl is drumming with almost uncontainable fury and disappointment. It's not a hum and it's not a purr; it's nearly a growl. He can feel it.

Glancing up, he meets eyes so similar to his own. The eyes of a person who decimated an entire race. But unlike his, there is no hint of remorse. Standing across from him is the half-Time Lord that would commit genocide of a race again if it meant the safety of many more.

There's no doubt that the Tardis knows what happened; the Tardis always knows. And like the time he sacrificed one race – his own race – for the survival of others, his old girl is disappointed. And the half-Time Lord is smart enough to know not to touch the console. He keeps his distance, choosing instead to walk around it.

When they land in the alternate universe, he sends the splitting image of himself with Rose. As much as he wants Rose back in his universe, he knows that he can't. She has to be in her universe for balance or otherwise the world would go into chaos again.

As the Doctor and Donna get back onto the Tardis, he notices that her anger has been subsided. Instead, she hums sorrowfully. And he knows what is happening. He's losing Donna.

He takes her memories and stores them inside his own mind. Laying Donna's sleeping form on the floor, he makes quick work of flying the Tardis, landing on the curb outside Donna's house. Mustering his strength, he half-drags, half-carries Donna, in the rain, to her front doorstep.

He stays for a while to make sure that she'll be okay before he takes his leave. Once her gets back on the Tardis, she hums for him. He places his hand on the console again, stroking it affectionately.

"I know, girl," he whispers. "But she'll be just fine."

The Tardis' humming changes, and the Doctor laughs. "I'll be fine too," he assures her. But the Tardis' hum simply changes once more, empathetically informing him that she doesn't believe him.

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While he's doing his body check, the Tardis whines. Mid-way through the check, it reminds him that he was in the middle of something when he Regenerated.

He looks around him and notices the Tardis is on fire and falling apart. She's trying to change as well, but she can't do it in mid-flight. Her engines have stopped and Earth's gravity is drawing him back in. He's going to crash if he can't stabilize the Tardis.

He tries desperately to get her to restart her engines, but he knows it's useless. "Come on, old girl," he mutters. "You can't crash today."

Entering the atmosphere causes the fires to burn brighter. The smell of the Tardis burning is enough to make him cringe. He sonics the door open to let some of the fumes out.

It's a mistake; that much is obvious almost immediately. The Tardis starts to roll and flip in mid-air. Before he can catch himself, he tumbles toward the doors, barely managing to hold on to the ledge. It's difficult to pull himself back into the Tardis, and he nearly hits the top of a building. But once he does, he closes the doors.

He finds that it's useless to try and stop the Tardis from crash landing. Instead of trying, he makes quick work of finding a climbing rope. Once he's back in the console room, he wraps the rope around the console and hangs on.

The Tardis whines as she crashes. Maneuvering to the top of the console, he uses his sonic to open the door. He throws the rope outside and gives it one good tug. And then he starts to climb out.

A wide-eyed little girl is standing outside his Tardis when he makes it out.

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He comes back out to his Tardis. She should be done making changes, but she's still unstable, and the only way to stabilize her is to give her a quick trip. So he takes the rope and jumps inside of his Tardis.

For the most part, the fires have died down and the smell of burning Tardis has gone away. From his rope, he manages to fly her.

Once they land, he unties himself from the rope and stands on the floor. He glances around. Instead of the ancient console and dingy circles, everything is sleek, beautiful. He rubs his hands across the new railing affectionally. "You've really outdone yourself this time," he says. "You look…" he trails off, looking for the right word. After a moment, he settles on "Sexy."

The Tardis purr happily.

"Now, come on," he whispers. "Back to little Amelia Pond."

He holds the new console tight as his Tardis flies him away.

.

"It looks like it's just you and me now, Sexy," he whispers mournfully. He had just dropped River off where she wanted, and now he's standing in front of the console. Both of his hands are on it and the Tardis is humming sorrowfully. He's lost them – Amy and Rory. He can't ever see them again.

Anger and hurt course through his body. The Tardis hums comfortingly, but unlike every other time, it's not enough. "I wish you could still talk," he says after a while. "Maybe I wouldn't feel so lonely." The Tardis hums again, louder, sadder, but the Doctor shakes his head.

He pulls the lever and holds on. "Take me where I need to go," he commands.

And the Tardis does just that. She always has.

.

The Tardis changes again. It's a quiet change; one morning he wakes up and it's done. Maybe she did it because she knows the happiness he once saw in the console room hurts him. Maybe it was to protect his sanity. Either way, it's a change that he isn't complaining about.

Instead of the soft oranges and happiness, it's monochrome with Gallifreyan around the top of the console. It's still sleek and beautiful, but at the same time, a change from what he would've once considered an attractive look on his Tardis. It's a reflection of himself as his Tardis see him, he knows.

He pats the console affectionately. And he ignores her sad hums as he murmurs, "Thank you, old girl."

He hasn't called her that since he got a new face. But he can't bring himself to call her Sexy when it reminds him so much of what he's lost.

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He's dying. He knows it. He's spent the last three hundred years protecting the village of Christmas, alone. He sent Clara home in the beginning. She didn't need to fight his battles. But she had come back. In that moment, he was reminded of Rose, and it made him smile.

He takes Handles and makes his way to the Tardis. Once inside, he places Handles on the console. He pats her affectionately, feeling her hum mournfully beneath his hands. She knows, as she always has.

"It's been good, hasn't it, old girl?" he questions softly.

She hums louder.

"I hope that you've seen enough of the universe. I'm sorry we can't continue."

With that, he picks up Handles and leaves. The final battle is about to start.

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**A/n – so many thanks to Rish for beta-ing this for me on such short notice!**


End file.
